Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
