he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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