I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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