I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He better not be in your backpack
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
