We named our party play list daddy issues
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
