i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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