He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
