i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
