i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
