It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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