Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
