i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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