I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
