I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
