He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
