Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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