i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
