You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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