That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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