the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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