Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
