so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize