Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
