i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just tell him i said nine months
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
