i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
