a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Farmville is her only friend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
