I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
