Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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