You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
