i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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