I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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