After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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