people are starting to question the shark bite story
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
