Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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