What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
