Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
