PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
