my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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