there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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