God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
