The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
