I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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