you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
