Don't you send me to vm
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
