she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
