she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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