Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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