apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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