Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
