"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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