you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
