had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
