so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
