my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
