My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
