the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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