Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
