that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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