If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
cat food counts as protein by the way
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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