I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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