My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
