Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
