I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
