Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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