This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
