so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
