I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
