How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
