I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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