im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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