What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
